Forgive Yourself

I don’t know what went on from Point A to Point B. I wonder what happened to you for you to be so lonely. You won’t accept any help from people that try to help you, insisting that you are fine when anyone who really knows you knows that things are not fine. Not even close. It’s like you want people to get to know you that don’t know you because it would be nice to have friends. Yet you hide yourself away as soon as things get really enjoyable. You fear the worst and refuse to believe that it will last. You believe that this person will see how insecure you are and will decide for themselves that you are too much to be friends with. 

So you play the disappearing act. You vanish, leaving people wondering where you went. You say you’re busy with other things when really, you’re in the house too busy hating yourself. What a vicious cycle. I’m sorry. I’m sorry it had to be this way. Nobody deserves to feel as alone as you feel no matter what they have done. And yet, our lives are so intertwined that we don’t see who cares about us. Loneliness makes us self absorbed that way. You’re so used to being by yourself your world becomes too small and you forget what how other people work. Oh, I’m not saying it’s your fault. I’m just saying this can be fixed. If you’re so insistent that you are to blame, forgive yourself and carry on. Forgive yourself and others. It gets easier with time.

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Fragile

When glass falls, it is like a slip in time, suddenly, but surely, it will crash. What beauty comes from the fragile, a luminescent piece suspended in its place. A careless tip from any direction, why even bother with crystal? Perhaps it would be more practical for plastic. Cheap, decent, and easy care. No need for worrying about protection. Not a loss when it is gone. Yet how captivating it is that I begin to wonder? One glass vase brings out the ethereal feel of flowers given during times of regret. It accentuates the hues without losing the delicacy of itself. Already beautiful, making what’s in it more dazzling than before.

Confidence

Light spills through jalousies,

warming floorboards with one sweeping wave,

dresser, vanity, tea set, finally bed,

touching her cheeks flushed from first heat.

She tousles brown locks over her face,

huffs, “See me tomorrow!”

tucks her head into the peach blanket ruffles,

breathing in the detergent of the fresh fabric.

Brazen is the sun, determined,

which sweeps through cotton sheets,

prodding her to see the day,

birds singing in the windowpane.

She flounces her blankets off,

betrayed by heat of summer morning,

sprawls her arms to cast out tensions,

sleep energy transferring out her body.

 

The door creaks revealing an angel-haired maiden,

sweet as lilies that float away in the creek,

she whispers, “It’s time,”

then tends to the eggs and cinnamon bread.

Thus, she scurries to the closet for a fresh pick,

observing fabrics, cuts, and colors choicely,

an array of careful consideration,

while changing out of her pajamas.

She turns toward the vanity,

pinches the soft of her belly fat,

winces, eyebrows furrowed,

grimacing toward the reflection.

She focuses back to the array of patterns,

pulls a plain navy suit with gold finishings,

holds both pieces to her frame,

fidgets, poses, unsure.

 

She tips on her toes,

tilts her head to the side,

puffs out her chest for expression,

then reverts.

She studies the smooth and rough surfaces of her face,

tousles her hair in careful, cascading waves,

puckers her lips for rouge,

closes the clasps of her peep toed pumps.

She makes her way out,

pauses, hand on the door,

rushes back, once more,

searching for imperfections.

She flattens her face on the cool mirror,

leaving a nose imprint,

pulls back, revealing a dimpled smile,

then she whisks away without a second glance.

 

 

Look Up

What if focusing on what’s in front of you is actually unwise?

That looking for your answers from a textbook may not give you the right answer.

You may say, “I don’t believe in anything,

I just believe in myself,”

Or, “I believe in the man made laws given to us by the leaders of our country.”

I wonder if that would be your downfall.

Perhaps wisdom is, after all, found in one who knows all things.

After all, humans by nature are flighty, constantly making mistakes.

True wisdom exists,

Just look up and believe.

All These Pretty Things

Fruity pebbles, flowers, bohemian dresses, calligraphy,

I still don’t know what this means.

How did we get this far, to make Jesus a product?

Rather than educating people,

We throw out bible verses

as if that’s the only thing useful.

Seems as if Christians look the same on social media,

Acting the same, dressing the same, content is the same.

Daily dose of inspiration, cool bible verses, pastel colors, cute outfits,

Am I the only one that thinks we lost the real meaning?

Jesus isn’t that simple,

It’s a relationship that we should seek.

It’s a relationship full of everything on the spectrum.

Happiness, anger, sorrow, shame,

He sees us for all that we are.

The word saves, but tell me what the word means.

Don’t hide behind pretty things,

Tell me something real.