My Testimony

I’ll place my hope in you, for you know what is best for me before I do. You see me as I am, my redeeming qualities and my faults. Clearly, I am imperfect yet you love me despite. 

We are not meant to be turned away, believing we are doomed. There is only one thing that is true in this world and it is the love of Christ. Love prevails through fights, heartbreak, sickness, betrayal, and even death. Stop and take heed of my words: Love conquers all of that. It is the truth and everything loses in comparison. What proof do I have of this? I, once shadowed by depression found no solace in what was promised to bring happiness. I fooled with men, cursed those who hurt me, and sought my own justice to make right only to discover the pleasure morph into self disgust. “You just can’t keep up with this fast life. You’re weak and you will always be weak,” you might say. When will you see that you are weak too? You consume the false pretense that you have to prove something to yourself to be satisfied. How awful! You cannot live your life believing you are your own. We are sinful creatures that cannot be relied on for peace. Can you see the truth about yourself? Believe and you will see. We are imperfect and this is only made right by the only real perfect love there is. I was never mine and following the truth instead of my own beliefs has healed me. It is not too late for you.

Forgive Yourself

I don’t know what went on from Point A to Point B. I wonder what happened to you for you to be so lonely. You won’t accept any help from people that try to help you, insisting that you are fine when anyone who really knows you knows that things are not fine. Not even close. It’s like you want people to get to know you that don’t know you because it would be nice to have friends. Yet you hide yourself away as soon as things get really enjoyable. You fear the worst and refuse to believe that it will last. You believe that this person will see how insecure you are and will decide for themselves that you are too much to be friends with. 

So you play the disappearing act. You vanish, leaving people wondering where you went. You say you’re busy with other things when really, you’re in the house too busy hating yourself. What a vicious cycle. I’m sorry. I’m sorry it had to be this way. Nobody deserves to feel as alone as you feel no matter what they have done. And yet, our lives are so intertwined that we don’t see who cares about us. Loneliness makes us self absorbed that way. You’re so used to being by yourself your world becomes too small and you forget what how other people work. Oh, I’m not saying it’s your fault. I’m just saying this can be fixed. If you’re so insistent that you are to blame, forgive yourself and carry on. Forgive yourself and others. It gets easier with time.

Don’t Tell Me What to Do

Yeah, I get it.  We all get angry at the world.

Want to throw bombs to express it,

yell and scream to make it known.

There’s a lot that goes on that’s just not fair.

I’m not saying what you feel isn’t real because it probably is.

Pain seeping through you,

head dizzy with explosives.

I’m just saying that doing nothing productive doesn’t help you fix it.

I know you want me to feel sorry for you,

and I probably do,

but if you’re doing nothing about it,

taking your anger out on others,

can you blame others for turning against you?

Fill your time with some activity,

give yourself something to hope for.

Hang out with friends, bake a cake, write a letter, see a sunset,

turn up the music, do cross fit, join a club, clean your house.

Whatever it is, just do something good.

Fight the good fight because this is the life you’re given.

I’m not saying you can save yourself,

only Jesus can save you fully.

You turn to him when your life is in shambles.

I’m just saying it can’t hurt to create your own happiness,

even if it’s small.

Don’t expect people to know what to say,

that’s a rare trait to find.

Honestly, hardly anyone’s going to know exactly what to tell you.

Who really knows about your situation,

every event, every moment that led you to this low place you’re at now?

People claim to know you all the time,

but don’t trust it.

You yourself do what you can.

Do your best, do what’s right.

You’ve got your own free will to make some difference.

And the stuff that you can’t change,

no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try?

You bring it to Him.

He’s the only one who will fully get you,

he’s the only one that can make the impossible happen.

So you might as well try to do something good,

Can’t hurt to put your faith in cards that always win.

Enough

I am not very bright,

I do not synthesize facts very well.

I know how to say things with emotion,

things that are poetic.

What use is that for you?

I am no leader, no entrepreneur,

I am not the first to volunteer,

I am not one with mass strength,

or great agility to defend myself against an attack.

But I am someone who can say things about you,

How you are a wonderful God.

One who I can honor with what I have.

I have a voice and a string of words to offer you,

and you say that’s more than enough for the king.

You love the expressions which causes other people to

smile, weep, rejoice, and change.

We are each enough for our savior,

used in ways greater than we imagine.

All it takes is faith in him.

Encouragement

You have believed that you are worthless,

that you won’t amount to anything,

but that’s not true.

You are so talented, beautiful, and kind.

 Most people do like you. 

 The enemy is just afraid of you,

for you have always been a genuine spirit.  

Be yourself,

I have so much in store for you in the future.