The Gardener

He treats me lovely as a flower,

Inhaling the sweet pollen.

Pulling off the dirt crusted petals,

Cautious of my state of growth.

I look at him as I am flustered by the winds,

Trying to uproot me from the dirt.

Please don’t forget me Lord.

Who else will water me everyday?

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My Testimony

I’ll place my hope in you, for you know what is best for me before I do. You see me as I am, my redeeming qualities and my faults. Clearly, I am imperfect yet you love me despite. 

We are not meant to be turned away, believing we are doomed. There is only one thing that is true in this world and it is the love of Christ. Love prevails through fights, heartbreak, sickness, betrayal, and even death. Stop and take heed of my words: Love conquers all of that. It is the truth and everything loses in comparison. What proof do I have of this? I, once shadowed by depression found no solace in what was promised to bring happiness. I fooled with men, cursed those who hurt me, and sought my own justice to make right only to discover the pleasure morph into self disgust. “You just can’t keep up with this fast life. You’re weak and you will always be weak,” you might say. When will you see that you are weak too? You consume the false pretense that you have to prove something to yourself to be satisfied. How awful! You cannot live your life believing you are your own. We are sinful creatures that cannot be relied on for peace. Can you see the truth about yourself? Believe and you will see. We are imperfect and this is only made right by the only real perfect love there is. I was never mine and following the truth instead of my own beliefs has healed me. It is not too late for you.

Forgive Yourself

I don’t know what went on from Point A to Point B. I wonder what happened to you for you to be so lonely. You won’t accept any help from people that try to help you, insisting that you are fine when anyone who really knows you knows that things are not fine. Not even close. It’s like you want people to get to know you that don’t know you because it would be nice to have friends. Yet you hide yourself away as soon as things get really enjoyable. You fear the worst and refuse to believe that it will last. You believe that this person will see how insecure you are and will decide for themselves that you are too much to be friends with. 

So you play the disappearing act. You vanish, leaving people wondering where you went. You say you’re busy with other things when really, you’re in the house too busy hating yourself. What a vicious cycle. I’m sorry. I’m sorry it had to be this way. Nobody deserves to feel as alone as you feel no matter what they have done. And yet, our lives are so intertwined that we don’t see who cares about us. Loneliness makes us self absorbed that way. You’re so used to being by yourself your world becomes too small and you forget what how other people work. Oh, I’m not saying it’s your fault. I’m just saying this can be fixed. If you’re so insistent that you are to blame, forgive yourself and carry on. Forgive yourself and others. It gets easier with time.

Fragile

When glass falls, it is like a slip in time, suddenly, but surely, it will crash. What beauty comes from the fragile, a luminescent piece suspended in its place. A careless tip from any direction, why even bother with crystal? Perhaps it would be more practical for plastic. Cheap, decent, and easy care. No need for worrying about protection. Not a loss when it is gone. Yet how captivating it is that I begin to wonder? One glass vase brings out the ethereal feel of flowers given during times of regret. It accentuates the hues without losing the delicacy of itself. Already beautiful, making what’s in it more dazzling than before.

Look Up

What if focusing on what’s in front of you is actually unwise?

That looking for your answers from a textbook may not give you the right answer.

You may say, “I don’t believe in anything,

I just believe in myself,”

Or, “I believe in the man made laws given to us by the leaders of our country.”

I wonder if that would be your downfall.

Perhaps wisdom is, after all, found in one who knows all things.

After all, humans by nature are flighty, constantly making mistakes.

True wisdom exists,

Just look up and believe.

Mother

You wanted to party and have fun,

To play, dance, sing kareoke.

When I was a child I hardly saw you in the mornings,

You slept in from your long night’s work.

You were attracted to the trends on TV,

While I stuck to muted colors of black, grey, blue, and white.

Your social media was filled with notifications,

While mine had an occasional buzz.

You left the clothes for two weeks,

And complained when you finally had to clean the heavy load.

You bought candy from Longs,

Ate them on your bed at night while you watched the Filipino channel.

My grandma had to teach me how to be a woman,

“Your mom is hardly home and she does not teach you, so I will teach you,” my grandma said.

With her, I learned to wash dishes,

Sweep and mop the floor, cook basic foods,

Fold clothes, dust the house, wipe the counters, and more,

just about anything my mother should have taught me.

I wonder if my grandma had not been there,

that I would have been devoid of nurture completely?

While my mom partied with her friends,

All I wanted was for her to stay home and be my mother,

To care for her home and her family,

To make sure things were running smoothly,

To stroke my hair when I was hurt,

To wait on me when I was sick.

Why did my mother think she could do whatever she wanted?

I didn’t have to read a bible to know a woman’s place.
Now that she visits church with me,

she’s stopped trying to be the “cool mom,”

She bakes me pastries and sandwiches ,

She cleans without a frown on her face,

No longer nags but helps the home run smoothly,

She was deprived of God, 

But now that she learns she can finally help me.